Altered Essence
by askingofmiceandhorizons
Summary: Cecile has lived in Ikebukuro for as long as she can remember; but she can't seem to find herself anymore. An accident involving the murder of her parents & the disappearance of her brother changed her. She felt alone. Can Izaya change that? OC X IZAYA.
1. Chapter 1

It was my first day exploring Ikebukuro. I found it hilarious that I'd lived here so long but never once actually mustered up the courage to explore the place. The first time since my whole world fell apart right before my eyes, shattered into millions of pieces. The rushing of citizens, the flash of cameras, the confusion and chatter, the boy with studying eyes, fearless - as if it was nothing new.

The day my brother disappeared, the day we ran away. I wanted to start over, to erase any trace of the person I was before, and so I did. I erased everything.

I was just getting by, not happy, not sad. I'd lost those feelings. There was no tears left to cry,there was nothing inside.

I had no intention of finding him, or picking him out of the crowd, but curiousity struck. I liked that boy. I found myself standing in front of him, with no control over my movements.

"You need something?" He said, flashing a grin.

"Would you like to make a deal?" I tried to form a smile, but failed miserably, trying to explain myself.

He just gawked at me.

"Impossible." I sighed, already knowing the results, "Impossible, but I'm interested. Deal!"

He shook my hand and I gave an appalled look.

This was my beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Hey guys, chapter two. Again it's just a revised version, since I was awful at writing when I wrote this. Seriously, I noticed so many flaws that it's ridiculous._**

**_These chapters are short, but they pick themselves up and get longer as they go on, so don't worry. If a chapters short, a new chapter should follow behind, well that is depending on whether my brain decides to fart on me or not. :p_**

**_Disclaimer poop: don't own durarara! or its characters._**

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"I'm Cecile...And..you?" I couldn't bring myself to say my sir name.I had spent many years trying to erase the old "me", so I couldn't let the memories in now.

I faked a smile,knowing it looked absolutely impudent, "I'm Izaya; Izaya Orihara." He had a cynical sort of stare. As doubtful of something I was un-aware of.I knew he was indicating that I forgot to mention my last name, in the form of which he said, 'Orihara,' But I erased that part of me, there was no way I could talk to anyone about it. It wasn't like I wanted to anyways.

He laughed, "What's with that smile? Is it a joke?" I sighed, feeling a bit agitated at my failure. I wanted to impress Izaya, but I wasn't quite sure how one would do so.

He looked a bit sullen that I was speaking so little, "Jeez, don't talk my ear off. Why don't we head to my apartment, Cecile with no sir name? Aha!" I had figured out something about my roommate - He constantly cracked jokes. Nor were they that great.

He gestured me forward, and so I followed. I found it surprisingly normal that he had an apartment. He looked successful enough to own something better. Izaya laughed randomly and swung his arms around. I just stood there staring at him awkwardly but ceased to respond to it. I was about to comment on how weird he was, but then I realized it might be best to get to know him before judging him like an idiot.

He stopped and glared at me, that looked a bit devilish, or so that's what it seemed to me. He was trying to cheer me up, "Not happy today are we?" I was bemused. He just waited for some sort of answer, while I sat there unable to come up with one, "Cranky! And when I just agreed to YOUR deal." I snapped back at him unintentionally, "I'm not cranky -" I then realized I was giving sass and rephrased, "I'm not cranky, just thinking over stuff." He gave me a strange look which was starting to make me feel awkward. It was like his eyes were staring straight through my soul. (Dramatic Cecile) I looked at him, and looked away in the next second, noticing my face was beat red. I was trying to hide my face, knowing I looked more embarrassed than anything else.

I wasn't really embarrassed, just his glare was making me feel uncomfortable,"Stop that. It's awkward.." I said, looking every direction, my eyes wandering back and forth, glaring at him in the corners of my eyes.

He laughed and I turned to look at him abruptly, "Wow! The company who put you up to this must've forgot the part where you absolutely despise me?" I glared back at him, a bit confused.

" I never had any company "force" me to do anything.. What would make you think that?" He chuckled at the look on my face. Did I look suspicious or something?

I felt like I wasn't in control at all,"Who makes a deal with no conditions? It's quite obvious."

"It's nothing like that.. I just - I don't even know who I am anymore. I erased everything. It's gone. All of it."


	3. Chapter 3

**_Eh, my chapters really need to start getting longer. Anyway.. Chapter 3. It's hard as hell to type this all out again xD very time consuming. YOLO._**

**_disclaimer poop: I don't own anything but my oc._**

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"I understand." He looked me dead in the eyes and spoke calmly.

"You do? ..But you don't even know me." I said,a little bit bluntly.

"Eh, it's not like I need to know you to understand you.." Izaya walked towards me,placing his hands on my shoulders, "You can trust me, I swear."I turned a reddish color.

He had that, 'come on,tell me tell me.'look on his face."Okay, okay. I'll trust you. I mean, we are roomies now,after all.."

He sat down, legs crossed, looking very interested, "Well..My parents were murdered. When I was young. I had no idea who or how they did it, but they did. They killed them.. I still don't know."

I paused, waiting for him to interrupt, but he was intent on listening. He was actually someone who listened when he was curious. "Then...Me and my brother got adopted. We were taken because of our looks. They were elegant,beautiful children. I didn't believe such a thing. We were simply broken, not even able to function. They treated us like birds in cages, only allowing us to fly for a while when there were people to show off to. They faked their love, giving us kisses and hugs, letting us sit in their laps. Sometimes I think my brother anticipated visitors so he could feel loved once I, on the other hand, was empty. I didn't have any emotions to show. We weren't even allowed to cry in front of those ugly,disgusting, heartless people. All they did was lie and lie."

I paused, noticing Izaya take a breath, as to speak. "I don't love all humans,then."

I continued, "One day.. My brother and I. We got sick of them. I began losing everything, I couldn't feel much anymore, from the day my parents died. I was devastated.. I closed my heart up to everything, and my brother was the only thing that kept my heart beating anymore. He pulled me and we ran away, as fast as our bodies allowed, and settled in Ikebukuro. We grew up, but my brother didn't. He never forgot. He couldn't deal with my emotions anymore, I suppose. He was hurt,and he left because he was hurting so. I woke up and he was gone, and I never saw him again. I think he's still in Ikebukuro, but it's been so long, it would be so hard to find him.

I looked him in the eyes," And that brings us to today."

He smiled a calm, sweet smile,"Do I have to pay a story-time fee? Haha. What's your brothers name? I, well you know might know him. Since I live in Ikebukuro and all."

"My brothers name was Shizuo. But, it's been so long. You probably never seen him before, and I couldn't describe him."

"Shizuo?" I saw something flash in his eyes, was it shock?no.. anger? His face only stayed that way for a moment,"I don't think I know him. I know a Shizuo, but I'm certain it's not him. Sorry,I'll look, okay?" He rested his hands on my shoulders, giving me an awkward hug. "I promise. Believe me?" My face was blank, I didn't know what I was supposed to think. I thought I believed him.

_"I do."_


	4. Chapter 4

**_Hey guys, Mid here. ;-; This is really late I'm so sorry. Again, it's another revised version and it's short but I'm pretty sure I had up to like seven chapters of this fic so I'll write those up and then continue with Blue exorcist. I'm really happy with the feedback you all have given me. I swear I fangirl way too hard everytime I read a review.. I was at school checking my emails and I got a review and I started screaming and my friend was laughing at me. So.. thank you! For everything. _**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own durarara!_**

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We stared at eachother, for a long time and entered the apartment. I knew both of us were in deep thought. Well, at least, I know he was. I had nothing to say. He cleared his throat, jumping back to reality.

He realized he'd left to think about things, "Well, you can sleep over in that room. It's an extra guest room, apparently. Eh, I don't even get my own apartment! Ahahha!" He pointed to the room, still laughing at himself.

"You're so weird, Izaya." I said, laughing quietly to myself.

He laughed once again, "Isn't that a good quality about me? It just means I'm unique. And so are you. Your laugh is adorable, as well." I couldn't tell whether he was making fun of me, or giving me a compliment.

"Liar." I smacked him lightly on the top of the head.

Izaya laughed, lifting his arms in the air and putting them straight down as if bowing, "Please! Spare me!"

Then turning into a grin, He teased, "Good night then, Cecile-chaaaan!"

I rolled my eyes at his use of my name and played along, "Good night, Izaya-kuuuun!" He blushed, and then started laughing hysterically. He raised one hand and went to his bedroom.

I went to the room he pointed to me, proclaiming that it was now offically my room - That is, if I could even call it that. I sat down on the bed, smiling. I hadn't felt like this in a long time. It was the very first time in years that I'd actually felt_ anything_ at all.

I closed my eyes, still smiling; and as my eyelids got heavy, drifted off into an easy sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey all c: Another chapter. Hope you enjoy!

disclaimer: I don't own durarara!

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I woke up early; sat up, stretched my arms up high and yawned. Ah, mornings - Sometimes it felt great to wake up, other times not so much. I felt refreshed after a nice long sleep.

I jumped up out of bed, half asleep and almost fell flat on my face whilst walking. I couldn't even see straight in the morning. I was hoping Izaya would be up, but unfortunately he wasn't so I was left alone for a while. I sat down on the couch and daydreamed. My daydreams weren't entertaining enough for me so I stood up and began to walk around in circles. I got bored of that too. I sighed, entering my bedroom again, getting dressed in some old clothes that were too small for Izaya, since I didn't own very many clothes and left the rest at my apartment. Knowing that I would never return, Izaya was freakishly kind enough to loan me some sleepwear and clothes. I really needed to go shopping, but didn't have any money for the time being. I was wearing a large plaid shirt with some jeans of Izaya's that weren't too big on me, but they were a little big baggy for my liking. I felt ridiculous, being a tiny woman in a tall man's clothing. Izaya walked out of his bedroom very slowly, almost like a zombie.

"Good morning, zombie." I waved my hand.

He raised his hand slightly, but looked a bit irritated. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

He narrowed his eyes and approached me. He just stared at me for the longest time, not saying a word.

"...I'm taking a shower. I'll be out soon." I just stared at him. I can't imagine how long his showers would take if he can sleep that long.

20 minutes later, Izaya walked out, water droplets dripping off the ends of his hair and he was dressed casually as well.

He was wearing a plain t-shirt with jeans and no socks. It was much different from his usual appearance. "Morning..er..Izaya." I rephrased my sentence, not wanting to get on his nerves again, who knows what he would do.

He smirked, "I love humans. I really do. Especially humans like you." He didn't make any sense.

"You speak as if you yourself are not human."

"I am, and that's some nice hair you got going on there, Ceci."

I frowned, "Don't call me that." and ran to the closest mirror I could find, knowing my hair probably looked horrid. I thought my hair was sticking up so I tried to smooth it out with my hands.

Izaya came in and laughed, waving his hands weirdly at me, "I'm just kidding. Your hair looks fine. Don't stress over your cute little self, Cecile-chaaan." He was like one of those internet trolls. I gave him a dramatic look and he just laughed at me. I couldn't be silly or serious, even if I tried. I couldn't be anything because I never had anything to begin with.

"Cute face, Cecile. I suppose it would be smart to go shopping. You can't wear my clothes forever, it's not fitted for a girls body like yours, you gotta get sexy clothes."

I slapped him again, "Shut up, no."

He smirked and walked away. In a way, I felt all giddy.

Is this what excitement feels like?


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm just uploading at the speed of light~ Haa~~ Hope you enjoy. These chapters are very short xD wow.**

**disclaimer poop: I don't own durarara!**

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Izaya grabbed his coat swiftly and threw it on. I looked around for the coat I was wearing before, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I looked in all directions, and just as I turned once again, "Izaya have you seen -" My coat was flying this way, and it hit me right in the face. I realized Izaya had flung it at me.

I pouted, "Gee, thanks. I love it when my coat is handed to my **face**." He laughed and grabbed me by the sleeve of my coat and pulled me out of the apartment.

"Have you ever even shopped in Ikebukuro?" He asked, skipping along beside me.

I looked over at him with a blank expression on my face, nothing I said would matter, "Not really. I never got the chance to, and after my brother went missing, I hardly left my house. I would panic if I did. I've forgotten how it feels to be excited about things in stores. It's pathetic, really." I nervously laughed.

"I see. So you're a n00b. Well.. I'll teach you the ways, young one."

I smacked him lightly on the head like I always did, "Shut up, Izaya! You're weird." I shouted, through giggles.

We walked for what seemed like miles, and I was embarassed that I didn't know any of these stores. I kept glancing at my cellphone, looking at the time every few minutes. Izaya handled most of the shopping, and carried them for me as well - He was strange, he wouldn't even let me carry my own items. I dismissed it, because I couldn't figure him out.

"Did you hear?! The dollars did..." I looked around. Why is that familiar?

"Dollars..?" I whispered, much too quietly for Izaya to make out what I said.

As my attention was elsewhere, I heard a voice, "Kida, what where you're go -" I turned to see why the boy suddenly stopped, and I smashed my head into someone else. It was a boy. It knocked the breath right out of me as I fell hard to the ground.

I heard the shuffling of feet. Obviously the boy had quickly redeemed himself, "Ah! Sorry!" He shouted at me, realizing I was on the ground. I didn't open my eyes. My head hurt, and I felt empty. There was always that feeling. What did it matter to anyone if I was hurt? It was as if I couldn't feel it at all, except for a slight throbbing.

"Eh...Izaya..It's you..I didn't kill the babe, right?!" He sounded worried, but saying that he killed me was quite dramatic. "Mikado, do you think I did?"

"I..I don't think that would kill someone..Kida.." It was a different voice, clearly he understood the killing thing was ridiculous but he was unsure as well.

I heard a slight laughter, then seriousness to follow. I felt myself being lifted, held up. His voice was close, and I could feel his breath on my face, "I'm pretty sure you didn't kill her, but you probably hurt her head pretty badly. And that fall..Damn. I wish I had caught her for that one. Buuut~ So far, I see no murderous intentions here, Masaomi." That was Izaya; Clearly.

"Weell~ I hope I didn't hurt her too much. She's a babe. Do you think I've gotta make it up to her with a dinner date?" Ew. That kid sounds too young to be hitting on an unconcious girl my age.

The throbbing in my ears drowned out the rest of the conversation after that much.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7, hurray! Shit's getting serious, y'all. Lamee~~ Anyways, enjoy!**_

_**disclaimer: I don't own durarara! (pshh, obviously.)**_

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"Ceciiii~ It's time to wake up. Nap times over!" I wanted to slap him in the face, but couldn't find the strength to. I didn't feel anything, but maybe I was really in pain. I tried to open my eyes, even just the slightest, so I could grasp an understanding of what was happening, I could feel the warmth from Izaya's breath.

"Um..Kida..What are we supposed to do..." This boy obviously wasn't "Kida" so it had to be the other one, Mikado. He sounded nervous. I wish I could make them stop. Worry was disgusting in my eyes. My eyes opened halfway, and I stared at Izaya, feeling incredibly tired and nauseous. I attempted to turn my head and look at the other boys, but I was unable to and it drived me absolutely insane.

"Izaya..you idiot." My voice came out almost a whisper, although my plan was to shout at him and hit him on the head again.

Izaya clapped his hands, "See? It's all good! She's just fine. Humans are interesting!" I looked straight ahead, watching the busy streets and hearing the _zoom_ as cars passed by. I didn't feel anything at all. When will the shell not be so...empty?

Suddenly a blonde haired boy stuck his face in front of me, he was wearing a Raira outfit, and I heard that Raira was a highschool. "Oii! I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, let's go on a date, babe." I'd never heard someone say "Oi." or be so..flirty. I let him ramble on, but it didn't really matter to me. I wasn't listening. I guessed this boy was Kida, seeing as he was apologizing..But the other boy with black hair was also apologizing for Kida. Kida smiled, and I just stared at him.

The other boy grabbed Kida's sleeve and began scolding him, "Kida, you're more of a bother sticking your head in her face like that!"

Izaya just laughed and ignored the two while pulling me up swiftly. "Well, parties over, you two. See ya!" And he pushed me away, leaving those two to argue with eachother.

"Is it..alright to leave them like that?!"

Izaya smirked, "Who cares."

Kida noticed us leaving, and jumped up, waving. "Bye-bye! Hope to see you again, cutie!"

That boy was irritating, but it was kind of interesting to watch him. I just stared back at the two. Then, all of the sudden, a vending machine flew right past Izaya. I wondered how that happened, since I realized it was impossible for someone to throw a vending machine.

"IZAAAAYA-KUUUUN." A voice shouted at Izaya, and I stared at him, confused. Izaya was staring straight ahead, with a smirk on his face.

"Guess it's time to go!" Izaya quickly glanced at me. I looked back and saw that Mikado and Kida had already disappeared.

I looked forward, only to notice a tall, blonde haired guy in a bartender outfit. My eyes widened, because this bartender man resembled my brother.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Soo~ I realized I had written like 13 chapters. So I'm just revising them all and then continuing the story. xD I hope you're at least enjoying this much.**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**Disclaimer: Don't own drrr!**_

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I couldn't move, or speak. I stared, my eyes widening, wondering if this was real or not. What was I supposed to think?

The bartender took off his shades and grinned at Izaya, looking extremely pissed off, "IZAAAYA-KUUN. What's this? Eh? This your girlfriend? Is she from 'bukuro? Didn't I tell you to STAY OUT OF 'BUKURO?"

Izaya laughed and collected himself. "Idiot, Shizzy-chan. Just a roommate."

I stared at Izaya, confused. "Shizzy-chan? What the hell kind of nickname is that?" I covered my mouth quickly, realizing I'd said that out loud.

"Well Shizzy-chan get's a special nickname. It fits him perfectly wouldn't you think? Sounds as stupid as he is." I wasn't quite listening to Izaya in the first place, so I just ignored him and took a few steps forward to look at the bartender up close.

The bartender gave me a strange look, "Heh? What the fuck is Izaya's girlfriend doing staring at me?" I tilted my head, thinking that looking another angle would give me the answers I was looking for.

"Who the hell are you?" He glared at me, and I glared back. I couldn't bring myself to speak.

I was afraid of who I was. It felt better living in the shadows, then in the sunlight; Because in the end, all you get is burned. "Cecile..and..you..?"

He stared at me for a while then blatantly ignored me and stepped around me, "Izaya, I'm gonna beat your ass outta 'bukuro." I was wondering why the bartender man threw a vending machine at Izaya, or how it was possible.

I was also quite irritated that I was ignored by him. "Izaya, why did the bartender dude ignore me?"

Izaya smirked, clearing trying to piss off the bartender, "You're not very polite, Shizzy-chan. I bet he doesn't have a thing for the ladies." Izaya turned around and shook his butt at the bartender then quickly turned back. Just then, almost in the blink of an eye, I watched the bartender as he ripped out a stop sign from the pavement. How is that even possible?! I felt my feet moving on their own, and this time I was running. I was running in front of Izaya. I was tired of being ignored, I wanted answers, and I didn't care what happened to me. What was I even thinking? I stood in front of Izaya as the bartender rushed forward with the stop sign. Time seemed to be slowing down.

I firmly stared at the bartender and held my arms out, shielding Izaya. Time stopped.

"Stop, damnit, stop.." he cursed to himself.

When I blinked, the stop sign was inches to my face. The bartender had stopped.

"I'm not really into beating chicks." He said, through heavy breathing. It's like it took him all his might to stop from hitting me with the stop sign.

"Who are you?" I whispered.


	9. Chapter 9

**_Chapter 9, Hurrah cx ENJOY C:_**

**_disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!_**

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The bartender stared at me for a long time and then took out a pack of cigarettes, lit one, and put it in his mouth. He removed the stop sign from my face and set it beside him, still holding onto it. He also put his shades back on.

Izaya waved his arms, "S-Shizzy-chan's gone soft. And.. you're not supposed to do that, Cecile."

I glanced back at Izaya, feeling like the monkey in the middle, "Izaya, that wasn't me. I didn't do it. Was I supposed to let a stop sign smash your face in?"

He frowned at me as the bartender continued to ignore us. "Shizzy-chan, this is surprising. I'm vunerable, and you're listening like a good little boy." I smacked him on the head, as he was asking to get killed. "No, Cecile, I could've easily dodged that. It would have been a big problem if it was you who got hurt. That was reckless." That cocky little bastard.

Shizuo threw his smoke on the ground and stepped on it, Izaya had gone and pissed him off, "Izaya, your little bitch is in the way. How am I supposed to get a good clean hit to your skull with her interference. I don't want to kill two people. Just you, fucking flea."

He was looking the other way, but I noticed his eyes flash to me quickly and away, looking closely enough through his glasses. " I answered your question, so answer mine, damnit."

He started laughing, "I have to tell you? I mean, who doesn't know who I am in 'bukuro? You a foreigner?" He was a cocky little bastard too. Is he famous? How am I supposed to know who he is?

He waited for an answer, and looked irritated to be the one ignored in the long run. "You could say I'm a foreigner, but I'm probably the same as you. I've lived here for years. How exactly am I supposed to know who you are? You're a bartender and you can lift vending machines?" I sounded like a major bitch. I could care less.

He looked extremely pissed off, and clenched his stop sign hard, bending the metal, "Strongest man in Ikebukuro. That ring a bell?!" I looked dumbfounded.

I heard something like that on the internet, but I disregarded it, "Mm, I knew there was a 'strongest man in Ikebukuro' kind of thing that was trending but I'm not even sure what your name is. None of that other stuff matters to me, I just want your name.

"Shizuo." He glanced away.

I was shocked. No, it couldn't have been **my** brother Shizuo. There's just no way. I walked up and peeked up to look at his face and quickly snatched his sunglasses.

He tried to grab them from me but I ran. "Tell me your last name and you'll get them back!"

He raged, "You stupid bitch! Figure it out for yourself!" He chased me around and Izaya was jumping around laughing and cheering me on. I probably looked ridiculous, I was tiny compared to the bartender guy.

I kept on running, "You better tell me!"

"Heiwajima, now give me back my fucking -" I stopped and his shades dropped out of my hands. I felt my knees give in and I fell to the ground.

Izaya was beside me quicker than it took for me to even fall. "What the fuck did he just do? Cecile, are you okay?"

Shizuo just stared down at me, "I didn't do anything, fucking flea. Hey, what's your name? Cecile? What the hell's wrong with you?" He picked up his sunglasses hung them in the pocket in his shirt.

Izaya was shaking me and I was staring at Shizuo with hot tears flowing down my cheeks. The look on Shizuo's face was hysteria.

He looked confused as fuck. "It can't, it just can't." I kept repeating, between sobs.

My own brother, didn't even know who I was.

"Why? Why did you leave me? Was I really that worthless?!" I spit out, with tears splashing on the concrete.

Shizuo picked up a cigarette out of his pack and popped it in his mouth.

He was about to light it, "What are you -" His eyes widened, realizing who I was. I sat there sobbing, even though I thought I couldn't feel anything. My own brother didn't remember me. It bothered me so much, but then again...I was no different than him.

Izaya glanced back and forth from Shizuo and me with a look of disbelief on his face, "You don't mean..That he.." He glared at Shizuo.

Rain poured down as Shizuo stared down at me, his cigarette falling out of his mouth and the loud _clack_ as the stop sign hit the concrete, his eyes wide with shock.

"It _can't_ be you."


	10. Chapter 10

_**Hey all, sorry for the delay! c: I finally got off my lazy butt and wrote. Thanks for reading! **_

_**Disclaimer poop: I don't own durarara! **_

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Several minutes passed as Shizuo and I stared at eachother, hot tears making their way down my face and Izaya staring in disbelief. Izaya took a step back and stared in the other direction.

He laughed a little,"Well, this is exhausting." He placed his hand on my shoulder, "Personally, I don't think he's worth your time. Maybe we should just bounce." I couldn't find myself able to focus clearly on what he was saying, my vision blurred and decreased slightly, I couldn't see much, and Izaya's voice was hard to hear, it was as if he was softly muted. Everything around me felt like such. I continued to stare at the bartender. The bartender who was my brother.

"You fucking flea..You planned this, didn't you? You must fucking enjoy this, you bastard." He sounded disgusted and his words came out like acid. The sound of it startled me, as I didn't have memories of my brother being such an angry, hateful person.

I glanced over at Izaya only to see a wide grin on his face, although his eyebrows were furrowed, "Oh Shizzy-chan, please don't flatter me! That nickname is way old."

"You see, I love humans. So much. I really do. I want to see them confused and suffering, humans like you, Shizuo. Cecile is a bit different. She interests me more so than you, in a way that I don't want to witness suffering nor confusion - but other things, such as..laughter, joy, fear, embarassment, because I haven't seen even one of these on this girl."

He didn't even make sense.

"I think the real bastard is the one in front of me, Shizzy-chan." He pointed at Shizuo, "If you're really her brother, then you're more of a sadist than me, if you can sit there and watch her suffer like that, and not even care." He let out a smirk and started laughing. It kind of seemed like a serious kind of, "You're pathetic" laughter. Someone like Izaya, you could never tell what he was thinking. A man who constantly cracked jokes and acted as if life was a big game, and he was the creator.

Shizuo tch'd and threw his smoke on the ground, stomping on it with force.

"I can honestly say I'm no sadist. I hate violence. There's reasoning for everything, and I have my own, so just fuck off, flea!"

Izaya wiggled his eyebrows, trying to piss Shizuo off, "Is that so? Then be my guest. Tell your little sister the reason." Shizuo's face turned pale, and hot tears welled out of my eyes, again. Quiet sobs escaping my lips. Maybe there was no reason, maybe I was just worthless, of no use to a man like him, maybe I was getting in the way, or he hated me. Maybe I was annoying. I just wanted a reason, bad or good. It pained me to think of reasons, rather than being reassured of what it really was. I wanted to speak up, to shout at the both of them, to do anything; but nothing ever wanted to go my way.

Shizuo glanced at me and then glanced away, trying to avoid my eyes.

Izaya just smirked, "Do you even **have** a reason?"

Shizuo stared at Izaya, the word 'yes' escaping his mouth barely even a whisper.

Izaya cupped his ears, "Sorry, what was that? Didn't quite catch it."

Shizuo snapped, "I said yes, you fucking flea!" I noticed Shizuo wouldn't look at me or Izaya when he spoke. He was trying to mask his feelings, like everybody else in this useless world did.

It's not that I hid them, it was just that I didn't have them.

It irritated me to a very depth that I couldn't understand anyone's feelings. It didn't even matter what I did or said, because it always seemed to amount to nothing. Izaya flipped a knife out, and Shizuo's eyes flashed back, as he grabbed his stop sign. I had a feeling they were somewhat going to start another parkour fight again.

Izaya and Shizuo ran at eachother at a fast speed, but time seemed to slow down. I had to stop it, I had to do something, anything.

The word 'stop' escaped my lips, but it was almost useless, as my voice came out as a strangled whisper. The tears came again, and I started to sob.

It was all so strange, I hadn't ever cried in my life. I felt useless, I knew I was...but this time around, it hurt. I put my head between my knees and curled up into a ball and just cried and cried.

"Please. Please, just stop."

I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but what was the use?

What's my purpose?


	11. Chapter 11

_**Hey-ho cx New chapter. Enjoy! Sorry it took so long. Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoy~**_

_**disclaimer: Do NOT own durarara.**_

* * *

Izaya laughed as he dodged Shizuo's punches and stop sign swings. They both suddenly stopped and stared as I sat there crying with my head down screaming. They had only just heard me. Shizuo looked pale, but even then I couldn't stop the tears from escaping my eyes. Shizuo tch'd, and looked directly at me, "Izaya, I'm done playing around with you."

Izaya giggled at him, "Oh? And I'm bored with you. See you, Shizzy-chan~" Shizuo looked furious, and I quickly saw him mouth the word, "Sorry," still staring at me. He then popped a ciggarette in his mouth, and stalked off.

Izaya grabbed my arm and pulled me up, "Well, looks like the show is over, so let's head home." I looked at him, wiping the tears from my face.

He gave a wide grin, "C'mon, stop crying. You're gonna flood the city." I laughed a little.

He put his arms around my waist as we walked and my face reddened, "Plus, you're too cute to make a face like that, Cecile-chaaaan." I kept quiet almost all the way back to his apartment. I was thinking about where we ran into Shizuo. I grimaced at the thought.

Izaya glanced at me every few minutes, "Quit staring. It's not going to make a difference." My words were soft and quiet, just mumbles. I was exhausted from crying and didn't really want to talk.

He stopped and smiled, looking at me kind of surprised, "You're quiet, and it's weird."

I sighed, "I just want to go home."

He smiled sincerely, "Our home? Or-" wiggling his eyebrows as he spoke.

"Our home, of course. There's no where else for me. Where else would it be?!" I cut him off quickly. I must have sounded anxious, Izaya was making faces at me. I had almost forgotten that his arm was around my waist when he pulled me closer to him. I blushed hard, but I couldn't bring myself to push him away.

He chuckled, "You make it sound like we're married or something like that, Ceci!"

My face turned red as a tomato that time, "N-No way! Hell no. You're an idiot, Izaya."

He grinned, "Yeah, maybe I'm stupid, but it doesn't sound like a bad idea."

"Shut up." I sighed and looked down.

"Sorry." He said quietly. He left me to think to myself for a while, even though I honestly couldn't really concentrate with his arms around me. Time seemed to pass quickly, as we were already right outside of his apartment, in front of the entry doors.

His arm left my waist to push the elevator button but he quickly muttered, "Sorry," and pulled me close again.

I didn't struggle to get away or try at all, but I noticed myself stuttering when I questioned him, "W-Why the hell are you holding me close and stuff anyways?!"

He laughed, "Well, there's only one reason of course.." He leaned in close, and I felt his warm breath on my neck as he continued. "I'm just kidding you. It's only because I thought you needed comfort." That fucking trickster.

He looked at the elevator button's glowing, "Well there is another reason, but it's not important."

I looked at him with wondering eyes, "If it's not important, why can't you tell me?" I had to admit that I was actually curious.

He laughed nervously, "C'mon, it's a secret. Wouldn't be much of a secret if I told you.

The elevator chimed and the doors opened up, exposing an empty hallway with doors lined up, one that I was familiar with, "But it's not an important secret."

"Since when did you get so talkative?" He changed the subject completely.

I sighed, "Tell me!"

He began unlocking the door to his apartment, "You seem to be in a better mood." He was changing the subject and it was really starting to piss me off.

I attempted to look angry and tried puffing my cheeks, "Izaya! Shut up and tell me." I whined while poking him simultaneously. He looked up at me, then bursted out laughing. Great, it was as ridiculous looking as it felt.

Izaya squeezed my cheeks, "How cute!" I stomped off into his apartment, crossing my arms and attempting to look mad. I probably had a slight resemblance to a little girl having a tantrum. Okay, maybe more then a slight resemblance.

Being short didn't help the situation either.

He laughed and hugged me, squeezing me so that I couldn't breath, "What..are you doing?! Pfff.."

He pouted, "What? Friends can't hug eachother?

I stared at him, "You're creepy."

"Hey! That's rude. I'm not creepy, I'm just unique."

I sighed again, looking down, "I suppose, haha." I felt a little different, but Shizuo was still bothering me. I had a feeling that tonight was going to be a very long night.

Izaya plopped down on the couch. He grabbed the television remote and gestured for me to sit down as well. It felt normal for me; I felt like this was a place I could call home. Even though it'd only been a short time, I had already gotten used to the idea of living with Izaya. He didn't really seem like a stranger, or maybe it was that I didn't care who it was. I plopped down on the couch too, my left hand flat on the couch and my right elbow on the arm of the couch as my right hand held my head up, the palm of it on my chin. Izaya was flipping through channels with a bored expression.

He threw the remote on my lap. "You choose. I hate T.V." I sat up, holding the remote in my hand, staring down at it. I hadn't used a T.V in a while, definately not the expensive new models either.

"Uh..what? I don't know what to watch.." I lied.

Izaya smirked, "You can choose whatever. You're an interesting person, so you're bound to have interesting ideas." I laughed at the fact that he found me interesting, I was probably the most bland person to exist.

"I don't even know what these shows are, and you expect me to choose!"

"Well, what do you like?"

I stared hard at him, I didn't even know myself what I like. Or maybe I didn't like anything, I _was _a bland person, after all.

He grinned, "I bet you wish there was a show about me, since I'm just that handsome and cool."

I made a pft noise and laughed, "You wish!" He pouted at me, but it looked like he was trying not to laugh.

I snapped my fingers, "Let's watch the news!"

Izaya's eyes widened as he picked up the T.V remote off my lap, "Oh? Sure thing."

He smirked and rested his hand on the side of his face, studying me.

"Sorry, it's all I can think of."

Izaya flipped through the channels and found "Ikebukuro News!"

We watched that for about an hour. Nothing very interesting happened in Ikebukuro this week, which wasn't much of a surprise to me. Life was colourless, bland. Nothing ever changed, nothing ever would change.

Izaya yawned and stretched, "Well, I'm gonna bounce. I'm tired, so you should go to sleep too. We had a long day and you could use some rest."

I nodded and entered my bedroom to change into a new pair of pajamas Izaya had bought for me. The worst part was that they were pink. Polka-dotted pink. Oh lord, why did I let him pick this out?

They were shorts, that were above my knees. They weren't "short shorts" but they were a bit short for my liking, and they were frilly and cute. Then came the polka-dotted t-shirt. It was sort of cute, but again was frilly and pink and just, not what I would imagine myself wearing, and the polka dots were a no-no. I slipped the jeans that Izaya gave to me off quickly and threw the shorts on, then following with my top, slipping the undershirt I was wearing along with the plaid blouse that I was wearing overtop. Izaya had found some old clothes that were small and didn't fit him, but I was still really small, so they were a bit large on me. I slipped on the top and opened the door, looking to see if Izaya was still in the living room.

He was now in the kitchen, grabbing something out of the fridge. I walked out, ready to yell at him for buying something like this for his own amusement.

He looked at me up and down, his lips curving into a grin, "Oh? Sexy!"

I blushed, hitting him on the head, "Shut up. Do you realize I'm never letting you pick something out for me again?"

He laughed, "That's okay. You haven't looked at all the clothes I bought you."

I face-palmed, realizing he had picked out quite a few things for me. "You better not have bought something innapropriate. And I'm extremely relieved I didn't let you pick out everything. I would have died."

He grinned, "Don't worry, Ceci. Even I'm not that much of a pervert. Would you like a glass of water to drink?" I nodded as he reached in the fridge and poured some water from the jug into a clear glass.

"Don't call me that."

"What? No thank you or good night? Rude!"

I blushed and looked away,"Thanks...and good night."

Then I stomped off. I took a sip of water and felt refreshed.

I chugged down the water, and when I finished, I sat the empty glass down on the nightstand and sat on the bed.

I started thinking of Shizuo again, and sighed.

This is really exhausting.

_It's going to be a long night._


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 12, whoah! c: This will probably be the last revised one, since I had a new oc, but later decided I wanted to trash that oc, so now I'm just going and finishing it~ I'm still deciding on what I should do. I want to make this fanfic the best I can~ And I want the story to progress well. *Sigh* let's hope that this will work out c: Enjoy~**_

_**disclaimer: Do NOT own durarara. **_

* * *

I woke up early, staring at the ceiling for a long time, only half awake. It was 5 in the morning, and I didn't understand how I was awake so early, when I hardly slept a blink last night. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to talk, and I didn't even want to breathe, in the situation I was in. All I could do was stare at the ceiling, not feeling at all.

I looked over to an alarm clock placed on the nightstand beside the bed, my empty glass beside it. It was already 7:30 am. I had been staring at the ceiling for 2 and a half hours. I heard the pitter patter of footsteps the room and was surprised that Izaya was awake at this time. He might've been awake earlier but I didn't notice. I ignored the noise and stared at the ceiling again.

Yesterday's events were haunting me. I wanted to believe that it was all a bad dream, but I knew it wasn't.

I sighed, and that's when Izaya slowly peeked through the door. I glanced over, faking a smile.

He walked closer to me, tilted his head and smirked, "That's not very convincing."

I sighed, staring at the ceiling again, "I'm just tired, sorry."

He laughed, "That's what you said yesterday, woman."

In all honesty, I was being more truthful today then I was yesterday, I was honestly wiped of all my energy, "I don't want to go anywhere today."

He stood back up straight, stretching, "Okay, that's fine. I have to go out on a few errands though, one of which is a new coffee place that I've seen." He laughed and mumbled to himself about coffee.

I stared at him, lifting my eyebrows. "Well, if you want coffee, then go get it. Finish your errands quick too.." I laughed, trying to make it sound as real as possible, "Or I'll get lonely."

I honestly really wanted to be alone for the time-being.

Izaya smirked and shoved his hands in his pocket, waving while his hand was still in his pocket. He stalked off, and as I stared back at the ceiling I heard shower water running, closing of doors and such. I then heard him leave the apartment and the door slammed shut. I flipped over on the bed and stared at the wall, I noticed there was tears running down my face.

The bedroom door squeaked open a few hours prior to when he left and I wiped my eyes, silencing my sobs.

I felt Izaya poke me lightly, "Cecii~ Are you awake?"

I didn't say anything, as I hoped he would just leave me be. I closed my eyes and buried my head in the blanket.

He let out a laugh and lifted his hand off my back, "Okay, I get it, I get it. _'Leave me alone, Izaya_._'_ I'll leave you be!" I kept my eyes closed, listening to his footsteps flutter out of the room. The door quietly shut and I listened to him walking and turning things on and off and dishes clacking as he moved them and set them down.

I wiped my red puffy eyes and quickly walked to the washroom, hiding my face. I didn't want him to see me crying, crying leads to worry and worry leads to questions and I don't know how to deal with that.

After a long period of time, I figured it wouldn't be so obvious that I was crying and so I walked out to the living room, and sat on the couch in front of the television, resting my elbow on the arm of the chair while my right hand was placed on my chin, holding it up and hiding my face away; Izaya wasn't in the living room. I was just going to be patient and wait for him, but I had to admit I wondered what he was up to. I didn't even explore his apartment yet. I lifted my head up, placed my hands neatly on my legs and sat straight, peeking my head over to see if he was there from time to time.

There was complete silence.

I was wondering, maybe he had left without me even knowing?

I decided to find out. I searched around the house, knocking on every door and calling his name, but there was no answer. I found myself looking into a room where he stored books and information, which he was also nowhere to be seen. I decided to go out into the living room again, but strayed to the kitchen. I started pacing the kitchen, finding myself quite nervous. Why was I nervous? Did something happen? Or maybe I was afraid of really being alone and not knowing where he was. I couldn't even answer my own questions. I walked over and sat on the couch, crying once again. I didn't know whether I was crying over Izaya, or the events that happened yesterday.

I huddled my legs up to my chest and sat there, sobbing, not sure what I was upset over.


	13. Chapter 13

_**I wrote this quicker then I thought I would~ But I was really bored and I had these ideas so I wanted to write it before I forgot everything. Hope you enjoy c:**_

_**disclaimer: I don't own durarara!**_

* * *

I jolted up quickly and began pacing again, only in the middle of Izaya's living room. I keping wiping my eyes but tears escaped ever so quickly. I had a silent cry, no noise, even when my mouth was wide open, and I wanted to scream.

I walked around his apartment once more, knocking on every door, calling his name.

I knocked on his bedroom door; I thought maybe he was sleeping and hadn't woken up by my voice yet. I opened the door but there was no one in there. Just an empty space with nothing to fill it's place; it felt _too_ empty.

I got dressed, throwing on tights and a skirt, with a sweater overtop, and boots.

I decided to look through the hallway outside of the apartment, with no one knowing anything about it, I ran back to the apartment, throwing on a jacket and scarf, as the weather was getting cold. I asked unfamiliar faces if they had seen him near the apartment building, as I attempted to put together his appearance to confused strangers.

I hadn't even got a small hint as to where he was, no one had seen him.

I decided I would look for him, it was the only thing left to do.

I walked, watching my breath rise above me like smoke. It must have been colder than I thought, because my legs shook and my breath was shaking as well.

I walked, asking a long the way if they had seen him. I finally stumbled upon a Russian sushi restaurant where a guy named Simon advertises, telling by-passers to stop in and enjoy some Russian sushi. Izaya had told me about him when we passed him whilst shopping for clothing for me. He was a very big guy; strong, maybe even as strong as my brother. He was a giant in my eyes, and I must've looked like an ant in his.

He looked down at me. Yup, I was small. And I figured he would say something, thinking that I was a child. A lot of people would do that.

Instead, he said something that was much more painful.

"Come buy sushi! Sushi is good!"

He looked at me in surprise, "You look like Shizuo!"

And he chuckled away, "Oh no, but it's not Shizuo - it looks just like him!"

My eyes widened, and I started shaking again. "Please, come in! You warm up inside!"

"N-No." I stared at him, my voice shaky, as if tears were to burst out at any moment.

I turned around and walked away, listening to him shout, "Come again please! Sushi is delicious!" and he began encouraging strangers to buy sushi again.

I walked over to a water fountain in a town square near the sushi retaurant and stared, noticing pennies lying at the bottom. I looked down at my feet, wondering what to do next. I was all alone.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder, and when I looked up it was a biker, with a helmet on and a phone in the other hand. They stopped, typing on their phone, "Are you okay? You've been standing here a while." I breathed, my breath rising up like smoke again. Why didn't they talk?

"I didn't realize I was standing here. Who are you?"

They stopped and typed again, "My name's Celty, And you?"

I sighed, "My name's Cecile." So the biker was a girl.

"What are you doing in such cold weather, just standing here?"

"I was looking for a friend."

I remembered Izaya telling me all the things in Ikebukuro that I hadn't heard of, like the color gangs, and I remembered him saying something about a 'Headless rider'. Maybe this was the rider he was talking about.

"Are you the headless rider?"

"Yes." She answered all my questions, not even hesitant to do so.

"Are you really headless?" She nodded.

"Oh." I wasn't shocked, or curious, or any such. It wasn't like it was something new. It seemed like crazy things were always happening in Ikebukuro.

"Who's the friend you're looking for?" She asked.

I explained his appearance to the Headless Rider and she stopped to type again.

"Izaya Orihara?"

My eyes widened, "You know him?! Have you seen him?! Please tell me!" I grabbed her hands, my eyes lighting up.

She patted my hands, gesturing for me to let go, and so I did.

She started typing once again, dang she was fast at it.

"I saw him in Ikebukuro, not too long ago, he should be back at his apartment sometime. Were you worried? How do you know him?" She asked a lot of questions.

"I was worried..I think. And I live with him." She looked shocked, even without a face to show expressions. Her body language was enough.

"Since when do you live with him?!" She typed faster than she did previously.

I put my hands up, sweat dropping, "Calm down. Not very long. I had no where to go. He sort of helped me. I found my brother.." I stared at the fountain again, trying to mask my feelings.

"Who is your brother?"

I looked away from her, "Shizuo."

She jumped a little, and I knew what question would come next.

"Heiwajima?" I nodded, my head down.

She got close to my face, tilting her head.

"Now that I think of it, you did remind me of Shizuo."

"Are you friends with him?" I questioned, still looking away.

"Of course!" She looked as if she was laughing.

"Oh." I didn't want to ask anymore.

"I should get home then." I started to walk away when she grabbed my arm.

She stopped and typed again, "I'll give you a ride home, it's cold."

I just nodded, and followed her.

It was true, she did ride a bike.

Suddenly, a helmet sort of just, appeared on my head.

"W-what just happened?!"

She put her phone in my face again,

"It's hard to explain. Headless rider, weird things are possible."

I nodded, sitting on the bike and hugging her.

* * *

We ended up at the apartment in no time. She followed me inside, even though I told her it was okay.

I stood in front of the door, with my hands together, and before I could open the door, it opened. There stood Izaya.

His eyes widened as he saw me and the Headless rider.

He smirked, "Thanks Celty." and grabbed my hand. I was surprised, and my hair flew up as he pulled me in the apartment.

Celty waved to me and left without a word.

Izaya sat down on the couch, waiting for me to take off my coat, scarf and shoes.

I stayed silent, but I wanted to say something.

I sat down on the couch opposite to him and huddled my knees up to my chest, resting my face on my knees.

"Where'd you go?" he asked.

"Looking for you." I said quietly.

"Ah, I left without a word. Sorry, I got a call, they said it was urgent."

I nodded.

"Why were you crying?"

I looked away, "I-I wasn't."

"When I came home earlier, you were crying. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

I didn't say a word after that, and neither did Izaya.

That night we both went to bed, hardly speaking. I didn't know what was going on, really.


End file.
